Marriagelane

MOTIVATE YOUR SPOUSE TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN THEM

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Spouse being your better half, deserves to stay better in all spheres of life. He/she always have higher expectations from you. Thinking as well as doing best for your spouse is a great step towards maintaining healthy relationships. Helping your mate live life with king size enthusiasm is a precious gift for a lifetime.

By offering honest and motivational attitude towards your beloved, you can really transform their mundane life into joyful and contented one. With your persistent supportive attitude not just your spouse gets encouraged, even the whole household is benefited in positive manner.

No matter whatever kind of relationship you both share, your simple and persistent supportive stance would always be welcomed by your partner. In order to support and motivate your spouse, you need to show either direct or indirect signs of approval and appreciation. For your reference some of the supportive gestures are written below=

You can-

  • Give them hugs (minimum two times a day boost happiness levels)
  • Support them in the household or official occupations
  • Cheer them up in their achievements (even if the achievements are not so big)
  • Stay by their side- physically or morally (even if they speak – ‘leave me alone’
  • Make them feel positive inside out by asking and talking about their issues, concern, resistance which may be causing disturbance for them
  • Support them in dealing all issues and relationships with positive attitude

By following these gestures, a couple can easily motivate each other and maintain the art of staying joyful in all spheres of life.

You can try more uncomplicated signs that prove your supportiveness towards your spouse. You can motivate your spouse to indulge in their hobbies. Even a step taken to become fit by doing morning exercises or yoga is also a motivating sign. Just keep on trying to be supportive and motivating for the sole benefit of your pious relationship. And by consistently practicing positive and motivational approach, the couples start confiding with their better half, evolve and become a new improved self.

We believe in bringing back the love, laughter and support within the marriage. So, come celebrate your marriage by practicing patience, consistency and loving support for your partner.

MarriagelaneMOTIVATE YOUR SPOUSE TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN THEM
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6 Important Ingredients of A Perfectly Happy Marriage

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The foundation of marriage only stands on two facts- ‘the couple is interested in maintaining the charm of marriage’ and ‘they are not willing to give up on each other’.

We are sharing 6 important ingredients of a happy marriage. They are as follows-

  1. Enjoy differences

Couples should actually respect each other’s choices, beliefs and perspective towards life. It brings in loads of harmony like if you always prefer to wear whites everywhere, but your partner’s choice of new pastel pink shirt can bring change in monotonous routine.)

  1. Always stay supportive-

Even if your partner doesn’t ask for your support, they still wish you supported them in all walks of life. When your wife cannot make perfect chappatis, then instead of mocking or making comparison, appreciating her efforts would go long way. Find your own ways to be supportive yet corrective in positive manner.

  1. Roles and responsibilities and Gate keeping

Couples need to alter orthodox belief which suggests a lady should mainly do all the household stuff and a man is only designed to earn for the family. Time has changed and partners should act like a team in handling roles and responsibilities of marriage. Man can extend his support to maintain house and woman can earn extra income to support needs.

  1. Owning the marriage

Once married couple has their own family unit, differences are bound to come from both side of families. Husband and wife should take responsibility to convey the message to their respective families in case of any disagreement or hurt by making them understand that now they will seek their guidance at the time of need.

  1. Be interactive and take complete responsibility of your behavior or action instead of blaming on each other

It is better to talk early about any important issue. Expressing the problems in honest and positive manner can alter many issues. If a couple keep on piling up the issues then evidently it may later on trouble your bonding. A husband and wife both need to accept their own mistakes/behavior/actions. In the cases of negligence, aggressive behavior, undone works, unpaid bills/policies, careless attitude towards health and many other important issues, a couple needs to be honest in addressing the problem and together find out the solution.

  1. Keep the spark alive

Being married doesn’t mean you need to adjust your special times. Keep on dating and let the spark be alive for the whole lifetime. Surprise your partner by unexpected flirting or book surprise tickets for your partner’s favorite show, plan up a get together with special friends, taking them out for a dinner or making it extra special at home with a dim light set

Marriagelane6 Important Ingredients of A Perfectly Happy Marriage
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Marriage Counselor- A Glue To The Relationships

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Present age youth wants to avoid marriage. They either postpone or alter the discussion regarding the same. And at last 90 % of them welcome marriage with open arms.

Before getting married any individual should discuss all the pros and cons associated with married life. And Marriage Doctor can provide a pre-wedding counseling session(s) to already engaged couple where they can frankly discuss and get guidance from the experts to deeper knowledge towards marriage.

Practically all the couples have to face many issues in their married life. These issues usually create tensions and disharmony in their marriage. So, after getting engaged any couple should know and understand the joy and issues related to married life. Some of the issues are discussed below-

1) Family Pressure- People get pressurized by the family to get married and they have to accept the proposal for their family’s sake. But deep inside they are disinterested and unwilling for the same. So, a marriage counselor can help them accept the same with positive attitude.

2) Divorce Prevention- One of the most important reason to seek pre-wedding counseling is to prevent divorce. 30% of the people who takes counseling before marriage are less likely to fall for divorce than the couple who don’t.

3) Review Finances- Counseling helps a couple to create a budget for the future and advise them to know the real financial condition of each other.

4) Priorities of life- Individuals have different priorities. And marriage doctor advise them to know and understand the priorities of their would-be spouse. Thus, the couple gets to know actual priorities which actually alter many issues.

5) Knowing responsibilities- Most of the people lives in their dreamy world and considers marriage as a fairytale. Marriage counselor helps them realize the reality of life by making them aware of their actual responsibilities.

In this world of detached and selfish lifestyles, an expert marriage counselor acts as a glue to bind relationships.

‘Marriage counselor is not just a counselor. They are actually savior of marriage.’

MarriagelaneMarriage Counselor- A Glue To The Relationships
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Is Divorce Really A Solution For Unhappy Marriages?

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Being married not at all means you will only experience the positivity and the blissful part of your companionship. History is the witness that couples always face hardships and troubles in the marital life.

Like any other relationship, marriage related relationships also have many ups and downs. In practical terms, the relationship between married couple encounters many problems. The problems could be due to lack of miscommunication, disorganization, preconceived notion, high expectations, abuse, addiction, infidelity or interference of friends and families. Each problem can be tactfully handled with wisdom, communication and honest self-examination.

Due to common persistent problems in the relationships, couples evidently experience disagreement and disharmony. They even try hard to resolve the issues in many ways. But when the advices and guidance of family and friends seems futile in bringing harmony, the couple usually gives up and stops trying anymore. In return they fall victim of disconnection and opt for easy solution. They consult advocates and illustrate every small detail of their relationship which leads toward getting a divorce. But, instead of taking negative step, couples should keep on working hard on their marital adjustment. They should consult relationship counselors who can guide them to think positively and strategically to understand the actual issues behind their disharmony.

Relationship counselors are unbiased and they suggest the couples to rectify their lifestyles by either applying individual effort or even working as a team. The rectification method brings in much needed harmony and usually results in saving their marriage.

Working hard on relationships is better solution because divorce invites more problems and it aids in supplementing stressful experiences which results in emotionally insecurities. After divorce, the whole household gets disturbed by adversely affecting finances, living arrangements and other important areas of lifestyles. If the couple has children, it adds to more sufferings and emotional loss.

Considering the fact, that marital relationships need extra care and effort, couples should work hard to make the marital bond stronger. That’s why they say ‘marriages are made in heaven but settled here

MarriagelaneIs Divorce Really A Solution For Unhappy Marriages?
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Psychology of Youngsters

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Psychology of youngsters

In an interview to BharatMatrimony, Dr Vinaya Prabha V Baligar – Relationship Counsellor and Psychotherapist, unravels the fears and anxieties of youngsters in India who think marriage is a huge responsibility not worth considering.

 

1. How underprepared are young people of today when it comes to marriage?

Most youngsters of today are not prepared for the adjustments and mature attitude that are required for a satisfactory marriage. Their knowledge and understanding of what marriage entails comes from friends, the internet, from their parents’ marriage. This knowledge is insufficient. They also do not possess sufficient skills and the attitude required to make marriage a success.

2.    What are the underlying behavior patterns of their anxieties when talk of marriage comes up?

Marriage is a commitment and those on the verge of marriage may have a fear of committing themselves to a long term, permanent relationship like marriage. This could result in various behavior patterns, some of which are:

•    Hesitation and doubts about whether they would like to marry

•    Constant indecisiveness about whom to marry

•    Making excuses and trying to postpone committing themselves to a particular person

•    Finding others, other than who they have chosen, more attractive

•    Being under the fear that they may be missing other possibilities if they tie themselves down            to one partner

•    Having doubts about whether the chosen partner is the “right” one

•    Becoming critical, finding fault with prospective partners

•    Making mountains out of minor problems

•    Starting unnecessary arguments

•    Withdrawing emotionally

•    Sometimes having an intense desire to leave the situation

•    Physical symptoms could include palpitations, trembling, shaking, shortness of breath, stomach distress

•    Having a fear of and persistent worries about the future

 

3. What should they do to manage and overcome their fears?

There are simple solutions to managing their fears. However if they face intense fears which they are unable to overcome, it is important that they consult a therapist.

 

Some advice about ways in which they can address their fears:

Fear of commitment: First of all they need to accept that they have a fear of commitment. “Live in the present moment and commit to doing the best today” should be their motto. They should not spend too much time worrying about the future. It would help them to be honest with their partner about their fears of commitment. Talking about their feelings openly, would help deepen their commitment and help them to bond better with their partner.

 

Analyze preconceptions: Examine their preconceived notions about marriage and marriage partner and abandon those notions which are false or unrealistic.

 

Realistic expectations: Know that there is no perfect spouse.  One must have realistic expectations of the marriage partner and make allowances for the partner not matching their expectations perfectly.

 

No perfect marriages: Give up idealistic expectations about marriage. Marriage is not about having perfect, good times always. Marriage, like our lives, will have ups and downs. They should expect challenges.

 

Inadequacy: Some people may have a fear that they may not be good enough to handle marriage. Such people should not evaluate or judge themselves on the basis of whether their marriage meets certain perfectionistic criteria that they may have about themselves or their lives.

 

Don’t feat the past: Past failed relationships may make some of them fearful of trusting another and being committed to a long term relationship. These people need to address their trust issues with a marriage counsellor.

 

4.    Why are youngsters, mostly urban, afraid of marriage?

It is natural that youngsters fear making a long term commitment. Youngsters would also like their marriage to be perfect and fear that it may not be so. However, the truth is that marriage is not about having a perfect partner or being perfectly happy all the time. It’s about finding a partner and developing a partnership capable of weathering the storms life will present. A good nugget of wisdom to remember is that “you shouldn’t marry the person you know you can live with for the rest of your life; marry the one whom you can’t imagine yourself living without”.

The young nowadays are more aware of the problems of marriage, due to media, past relationships, inputs from friends. This may lead them to prefer temporary relationships over a permanent relationship like marriage. They may fear the problems, compromises and adjustments that are required in marriage.

Youngsters have to balance many things – work, career, their individual ambitions and dreams, family aspirations for them etc. In this balancing act, marriage sometimes can take a back seat especially if they already have satisfying relationships with friends, family and colleagues.

The young have lesser tolerance for ambiguity; want to be certain about the future. This certitude is not provided by marriage and could be another cause of their fear of marriage.

For girls, unlike bygone days, marriage is not the only option. They can have a satisfying career of their own. When they marry, they will have added responsibilities of balancing the needs of spouse, in laws, children and their own dreams. Successful career women tend to approach marriage with caution.

There is no formula that can be applied to making a perfect marriage. Like all serious relationships, marriage requires maturity, communication skills, tolerance for each other’s faults, empathy and people skills. These are all developed over a period of time. Many youngsters do not want to invest the required energy and time into making the marriage relationship successful.

 

5. How should they prepare to succeed in this journey called marriage?

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” – Barnett R. Brickner. To be the “right” mate, “Know your-self” is an important dictum. It is important that the youngsters work at increasing their self-awareness, know their strengths and weaknesses. This will go a long way in not having unrealistic expectations from either oneself or one’s partner.

 

It is important to remember that “nobody is perfect”. The youngsters need to appreciate the differences between themselves and their partners and should avoid trying to shape the partner according to their own desire. They must avoid falling into the trap of believing that if they could make changes in their partner, their relationship will be perfect. Both partners should remember that they are jointly accountable for the marriage relationship. The youngsters need to develop this maturity and responsibility.

Marriage requires a lot of patience- each partner needs to give enough time to understand each other, develop empathy, and to develop the relationship. The youngsters will need to be prepared to consciously and intentionally set aside time and put in conscious efforts to nurture and develop their relationship.

Youngsters who are ready for marriage will need to develop their interpersonal skills and communication skills. In marriage, partners need to honestly and regularly communicate with each other. They will need to be comfortable in sharing their fears, needs, hopes, dreams, and anxieties with their partner.

The yet to be married youngsters will need to understand that the moment they get married, their status will change from an individualistic “I, me, myself” to a status of “we”. They will have to cease being selfish or committed to only themselves, their hopes and their dreams. Instead they will need to plan for, commit to and bring to fruition the joint dreams they hold with their partners.

The young need to accept the reality that there will be good and bad times in marriage and that there will be no quick solutions or fixes for problems. An important requirement is that the partners remain committed to each other through all the trials of marriage.

The youngsters will have to give up any unrealistic expectations about marriage that they may hold. For instance, they should not make the mistake of expecting marriage to be an unrealistic “happily ever after” fairytale, free of problems, conflicts, disagreements.

An important factor in today’s day is the sexual faithfulness of the partners towards each other. Having an affair, being emotionally unfaithful would erode the trust and very foundation of any marriage. Trust between partners form the bedrock of a marriage. The young should be prepared to build the required trust through self-discipline, a sense of responsibility and deep commitment to the marriage.

The young need to be prepared to plan for various issues. A few of these issues they need to plan with their partners include: where they want to live; how much money they plan to make; how they will budget; how much time they will spend with their extended families; when do they want children; who will stay at home to take care of the children; how will they make room in the relationship for their individual ambitions; plan for holidays etc.

A happy marriage has a lot of positive energy and brings out the best in each other. The youngsters should be prepared to treat their partners with respect and dignity and avoid criticism, a sense of superiority, sarcasm, contempt for the other.

 

Lastly, the youngsters should be aware that each marriage is different. The partners in a marriage need to do what works for them rather than following some standards they might have read in a book or heard from a well-meaning friend. There is no perfect marriage and the criteria that youngsters need to bring to assessing a marriage is whether it largely meets the needs of both the partners, whether it empowers them and brings out the better qualities of each partner.

MarriagelanePsychology of Youngsters
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Pre Marital Counseling

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It is becoming increasingly important an issue, and now it is considered beneficial to undergo pre-marital counseling.  The Delhi Commission for Women has decided to pursue this angle.  The Chairperson of DCW, Barkha Singh feels in the emerging scenario of divorces being on the rise, premarital counseling will be a good move.

She felt that the youngsters of today do not know all the aspects of marriage.  They have to be counselled on all the issues that go into a marriage.  Parents are out earning, they are not able to spend much time with their children.  The children themselves are busy with their respective studies, pursuing their goals, trying to find their way in this competitive world, and getting a good grip on settling down.

They soon realize they are the age for marriage, and so get married.  Especially in arranged marriages, the couples enter the portal of marriage with out any knowledge of what this phase in life holds for them.  The spouses are earning well now, they have studied hard and gained a few laurels, and so adjustments and compromises are difficult for them.

All the areas in the marriage will leave them bewildered.  In the financial area, either their parents handled everything for them earlier, or they were mature enough to handle it themselves.  Now after marriage, there could be clashes, regarding money matters.

Then the problems of relatives, and in-laws handling will emerge.  The younger generation is mostly from a small family, so interaction with too many relatives or interference from them will create a lot of unrest.

The basic living together, the various adjustments that has to be made between the spouses, all may lead to arguments, fights and sulks.  Ego clashes will happen; the younger generation is a very aware lot.  They will want their rights left intact.

The girls will be used to independent thinking and decision making, so having to consider another’s viewpoint will take time.  Also they will prefer living away from in-laws, they will not appreciate control by in-laws.  The boys will expect their wives to take care of their parents, handle the house, and want their wives to change their lifestyle.  They may try to dominate their wives, insist on their wives not working long hours, have fewer friends, or even hand over the income to them.

The younger generation will not pay heed to the fact that communication is very important between spouses, that having an open communication channel can almost always resolve issues.

They must be made aware that respect for each other, and each other’s families are very important.  Understanding of each other’s views and opinions, appreciating each other’s work and work schedules is also important.  More and more youngsters are postponing having children; this does not go down well with the adults in the family.

There are a host of issues that need to be discussed before marriage.  A host of issues have to be brought to the notice of these youngsters, and how they can handle them.

MarriagelanePre Marital Counseling
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Divorce Rate in India Increasing

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Divorce Rate in India Increasing

This is an unusual trend in a country where the divorce rate was just 1 in 1,000 ten years ago, and is still a relatively low 13 per 1,000 – as compared to the US average of 500 per 1,000. While India has no central or even state-wise registry of divorce data, family court officials say the number of divorce applications has doubled and even tripled in cities such as Mumbai, Delhi,  Bengaluru and Lucknow over the past few years.

Reasons are:

The waning influence of the family and joint family; the growing psychological and financial independence of women; late marriages resulting in a greater reluctance to compromise or change set ways and lifestyles.

Here are some facts about the increasing divorce rate in India:

1,667 cases of divorce were filed in Mumbai in 2014(till November 30, up from 5245 cases in 2010

8347 Divorce cases were filed in Kolkata in 2014(till November 30), a 350% increase from the 2,388 divorce cases in 2003

About 2000 Divorce Cases were filed in the Lucknow family court in 2014. Of these about 900 were filed by young couples married less than a year. In 2009, the number of the cases filed by young couples married less than a year was 300.

3 more family courts were opened in Bengaluru in 2013, to cater to demand to the total number increasing to six. There are 8,600 cases pending in the courts and 500 new cases are added every year.

MarriagelaneDivorce Rate in India Increasing
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